The Fake Dom

Fake Dom is a word used to describe someone who purports to be Dominant but has no idea what they’re doing.

Fake Doms frequently show little regard for the sub, believing that the D/s dynamic exists to benefit them and that they can command the sub to do whatever they want.

Beginner subs that are unfamiliar with Dom-sub dynamics may be unaware of the Dominant’s role. As a result, people may find themselves in dynamics, or full-fledged relationships that they believe are healthy but are not.

How do you know how a Dominant is supposed to act when little instructional material is available on what a healthy Dom-sub relationship looks like?

They make you Unhappy

You’ll find yourself in a relationship with a Fake Dom asking things like:

My Dominant wanted me to do X, but I don’t love it.

Do I have to follow his orders?

When I didn’t perform as my Dominant requested, he became enraged, and I now feel guilty. Is this normal?

My Dominant is preoccupied with his pleasure rather than mine.

So, what should I do now?

These are all SIGNs of a sub in a dynamic with a Fake Dom.

From the questions above, the disadvantages of being in such a dynamic should be evident.

When a submissive is in a relationship with a Fake Dom, she feels:

Small (not in a good way)

Belittled

As if she has to constantly prove herself

As if she is getting far fewer benefits from the dynamic than the Dom does

Out of place putting a wrong foot forward
As if her thoughts and feelings don’t matter

I guess the above sounds familiar. It should be because these are signs of an emotionally abusive relationship, which you do not want to be in.

Fake Dom’s lack real-world experience with Dom-sub relationships and have no desire to learn. Therefore, being in a relationship with a Fake Dom is harmful to the sub missive’s emotional and physical well-being, particularly if she is new and unaware that she is dealing with a Fake Dom.

Equal Benefits are to be Expected

As a Romantic Dominant, it is your job to guarantee that you and your sub gain equally from the connection, whether it is a short-term arrangement or a full-fledged romantic union.

Just because the authority in a Dom/sub dynamic isn’t distributed evenly doesn’t mean the advantages aren’t distributed equally. So, for example, the Dom and the sub do not receive the same rewards, yet they are regarded equally.

For BDSM, fake Doms are bad news. They have no idea what they’re doing, and they’re giving legitimate Dominants a terrible name while also scaring new subs away from D/s relationships.